O’hole-y Nights
By Crash
Author’s Note: If I fail my history final tomorrow
this is why. I stayed up Saturday night after watching Sliding Doors up the
hall and started this little Diddy. DJ was up too. Thanx for staying up ;) And
for the correx as it went. And thanx to Tadooh for the final beta!
Oh
hole-y night……whose idea was it to schedule a mission during the holidays?!
Whoever it is the next time I see them I will inflict great bodily harm upon
their person.
I could
be at home in MY house sitting in MY chair drinking MY beer and staring at the
fire in MY fire place.
But no,
what am I doing?
I'm
sitting in a water filled hole on some god forsaken planet on some mission that
someone decided was extremely important. Why am I sitting in a water filled
hole you ask? After all it's not the usual place you find a United States Air
Force Colonel.
Well it
all started out on a nice simple mission to this planet, whose name escapes me
at the moment, which is actually at about the same level as us technology wise.
It was going fine and dandy. Daniel was jabbering away with a historian from
their "University". Carter was going on with some type of engineer.
Teal'c and I were meeting with their leader, Nachum. We all got along just swell.
The fourth day Daniel and historian friend from the
first day were going too look at some temple not far from the "city.”
Carter and Teal'c were meeting with an engineer at the University. I decided to
tag along with Daniel. At least this way I'd get to see some of this wonderful
country side.
Everything was fine until I was walking back to
the "city" to meet up with Carter and Teal'c. Having observed the
natives for the last day I had no qualms over leaving a team member alone. I
regret my decision now seeing the predicament I find my self in.
Some where between the temple and the city I must
have gotten turned around or something, because one moment I'm walking along a
trail and the next I'm falling followed by a sickening crunch and blackness.
An irregular pattern of ice cold rain drops
hitting my face brought me around. I was lying in a crumpled heap in the bottom
of a hole. And that's where I am now. Only the rain has stopped and the sky has
cleared giving a breath taking view of the sky.
I have no idea how long I've been here. But
considering it's night time now and it was around noon when I headed back it's
been awhile. I'm pretty sure I've broken my leg again and probably have a
concussion as well. I'm tired, hurt, cold and wet and want to get out of this
hole.
I bet your wondering "well how come the fool
hasn't radioed and said he fell in a hole?" Well I would have but seeing
as my radio is in tiny bits floating in the water that fills my home for the
time being I don’t think it will work. I just have to believe that my team will
find me and I know they will they always do.
Did I mention hungry? I'm absolutely starving. And
yes I'd like some cheese with my whine. Provolone if you have any.
I think I'll just take a little nap. I'm so tired
and cold that I'm shaking.
Whoops! No napping. Gotta stay awake. No sleeping
with concussion. Hmmmm do something to stay awake. Must not sleep.
Where is my team? They didn't leave me did they?
No, they wouldn't do that. Never leave anyone behind. That's the rule they know
it.
I'm cold. And sleepy, very sleepy. And hungry. The
service here sucks. I asked for cheese. I don’t see any cheese. The heating
isn't working very well either. The entertainment is a drag. I’m never
recommending this place to anyone.
Looks like I'm not going to see Kayla and Tessa's
Christmas program. Tessa was gonna sing a solo too. Oh Holy Night. No pun
intended.
"Oh holy night! The stars are brightly
shining."
Well it is a hole'y night and the stars are
brightly shining.
Uh oh bad sign. Am laughing at own jokes.
"Joy to the world the Goa'uld's dead we
barbequed their heads!"
Uh oh bad… ‘nother bad sign. Am singing horribly
rewritten Christmas songs to myself. Ooooooooooo now how's the rest of it go?
"Don't worry about the body we flushed it
down the potty. Around and 'round it went around and 'round it went"
Yup that's it.
Whoops. No dozing. Already had this discussion. No
sleeping. Sleeping is bad.
Wonder when they will get here? Surely they missed
me by now. I hope they hurry. I'm going to have a bad case of trench foot after
this.
Uh oh bad sign. Not shivering any more. Very bad
sign. Hope Doc comes too. The clouds are back no more pretty view of the stars.
And it's dark in here too without the moon and starlight. Wonder if flash light
works.
Yey! Flash light works. Duh! Why didn’t you think
of it sooner? Point flashlight up. Team see light. Team come and get Jack and
take Jack to see Napoleonic Power Monger.
Okay now just stay awake Jack. You can do it. Just
like on watch. Cat’n kill you if he catch you asleep on watch. Sing.
Oh holy night!
The stars are brightly shining
It is the night of the dear Savior's birth!
Long lay the world in sin and error pining
"Hey Sam do you hear that?" Daniel asked
coming to a stop. They had been searching for Jack since they discovered that
he had not made it back from the temple to the city. Over twelve hours and they
had not found the seemingly elusive Colonel.
"Some one is signing?" Sam asked
unbelievably
"Sounds like O'Neill." Teal'c answered
pointing to their left. "It appears to be emanating from that
direction."
"We checked that area though," Daniel
countered.
"Perhaps we have overlooked something."
Daniel shrugged and followed Teal'c lead. He
wanted to find his friend and was worried about just wasting time on what
sounded like a horrible rendition of "Oh Holy Night.”
As they got closer the singing increased in volume
confirming the guess that it was indeed Colonel O'Neill's off key voice.
"Look!" Sam pointed to the beam of light
that appeared to shoot out of the ground.
Cautiously they approached the area where the
light originated from unsure of exactly what to find.
"Jack?" Daniel called when the hole came
into view.
"Daniel?" I answered back. At least I
think it was him. It sounded like him. But then what do I know? I've been
singing to myself for God knows how long.
"It's me, Jack."
"Good. Get me outta this hole!" Hurry
too. I don't think I stay awake much longer.
"Hey, Colonel." Oh Carter's with him
too. "How are you doin', sir?"
"Fine, Carter." Nope not fine Jack
ol'boy. Broken leg, concussion, wet, cold, hungry, tired. Nope not fine.
Uh oh. I don't think I'm gonna make it this time.
Oooo that made head hurt. Note to self. Head bobbing hurts. Especially when
have heavy metal band playing in head.
"Jack! Damnit Jack, answer me!"
Ooooooooooo Daniel's mad. He's hollerin' at me.
Ooops must have fell asleep.
Sorry Daniel. I'm cold so very cold. And the
blackness is coming back. Sorry guys.
Whoa movement! I'm roused from my state of
unconsciousness by the jerking motions of being pulled up right. Opening my
eyes I see a bleary figure in front of me.
"Hey, sir." Oh it's Carter. She's the
only one that calls me sir.
"Car'er, you having a Hole'y night too?"
"Yes, sir" She giggles. Why she always
giggles? "Don't worry, sir. Almost out of here. I had to come down and fit
the rope."
"Out of hole? To Po'er onger?" Damn I
was just getting comfortable.
"Yes sir. Janet is waiting."
"Oh Holy Night. The stars are brightly
<beep> shi<beep>ning"
Hey what's that beeping noise? It's messing up the
song. It's all off beat.
Oh wait I know that noise. It means I'm in the
infirmary again. Oh Lord, what did I do this time? Will figure it out later. Am
sleepy. I think I will take a nap.
Oh yeah. Hole'y night. Guess they must have found
me. I knew they wouldn't leave me.
Oh but that means Napoleonic Power Monger is here.
Uh oh. She not gonna be happy.
Kayla, Tessa not be happy either. Missed Christmas
show.
Just keep digging your hole deeper Jack. Hope
George went. Maybe George tape it.
"Silent night, holy night!
All is calm, all is bright."
That's a lie. It's not silent. Can't sleep with
all the ruckus going on. Not holey night no more. Although I dug self a rather
deep hole between Doc, Kayla, and Tessa. Nope not calm. Never calm in
infirmary. But yup. It's bright.
What is it with Docs and bright lights? They have
a bright light fetish or something?
"Oh hey Doc." Plaster best innocent look
up on face. Nope was not saying anything bad about you. Nope sure wasn't.
Uh oh Doc not buying it. Doc looks pissed. What
happened to her bed side manner?
Must remember to shoot who ever scheduled that
mission.
"Colonel…" Here comes the speech. Here
comes George too.
Can I have my hole back?